Ashley. 18.My life is much more interesting inside my head.
I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss my girlfriend, I miss not being alone.
Ever since I moved out for college and into a new town it’s been good finally having the independence I’ve wanted but I still feel like I’m not doing enough. I haven’t found a job yet which I feel horrible about because it makes things harder on myself and parents financially. It sure is crazy how much money controls our lives and what we can and cannot do. One of my roommates is a fucking slob and I’m not anyone’s mom to be picking up after her shit. This apartment feels more like a hotel and not my home. I’m never going to be comfortable living here.
I’m constantly lonely. And it’s not like I haven’t tried to make friends cause I have but I feel like I haven’t found “my” group of friends yet. Back home I was surrounded by people who I loved and loved me back, and man is that a feeling I miss being around. All I’ve wanted to do here is show my friends the awesome places we can skate to and smoke fat blunts at and it sucks not having anyone to share these awesome memories with. Sure it’s nice experiencing things for myself but I miss having company.
I don’t miss my home or my city but I miss the people who made it worth living there, like my family. It’s so different not coming home to the people you’ve been used to all your life. I miss coming home to my mom asking how my day was even if she always got the same answer, I miss my dad being concerned about my health, I miss my older brother David and the way he would make me feel safe & sane no matter what, & I miss seeing my little brother Erick grow up to be smarter and smarter everyday. I think my move has pushed all of my family in a way to do better for themselves which makes me extremely happy. I’m the first person in my family that’s stuck to what they wanted to do and succeeded and now they’re doing the same.
I’m so thankful to still see my girlfriend every weekend and sometimes during the week. I’m used to the distance of our relationship because it’s been the same since we started dating however I wish it wasn’t like this. I wish she was closer. It sucks not being able to be with the person you love when you both have a chance but can’t because there’s a huge miles gap in between. I miss her like crazy the second I leave her but I know we could have it a lot worse.
Overall this long rant was just me expressing the things I miss and wish I had around me now. I just hope to find myself and my place here soon.
I need someone to talk to
I zoned out for like 5 minutes right now watching the smoke go out of my car window